Roman Around

ban me. i'm killing you.

No, seriously.

The State of California could be – I say, could be – the first state in the union to ban black cars.

And why, pray tell, would the Golden State do such a thing?

To save the earth, of course.

There’s no word as to whether there are plans to ban Oakland Raiders jerseys, the outside of Oreo cookies or black people.

Michael Arrington at TechCrunch.com writes:

The California legislature is considering regulating the color of cars and reflectivity of paint to reduce the energy requirements to cool them. A presentation on the proposed legislation by the California Air Resources Board is below.

The problem isn’t the color per se, but the reflectivity of the paint overall. And dark colors just don’t reflect well, so they are likely out. “Jet black remains an issue,” says the report.

The concern is that air conditioners in darker colored vehicles need to work harder than those in lighter ones.

If automobile air conditioners are working harder, that means more planet-funkifying ugliness is being fed into the atmosphere. And if more ugliness is being recklessly fed into the atmosphere, that  means a veritable cauldron of eco-system destroying manmade death is in store.

And that’s not good at all.

Anyone who’s ever entered a very hot car knows that it can be cooled down immediately by driving a few feet with the windows open, effectively neutralizing any color-caused heat issues before engaging the air conditioner. But whatever, black is evil.

The new regulations would be phased in beginning in 2012, so if you want that black car, you better buy it soon.

And you thought that black Toyota Pious you bought made you such a good person. Think again, you tree hating energy slob.

Isn’t liberty – California style – grand?

And for those who will ask if I should have waited until April 1st to post this blog entry, don’t bother.

I’m not making it up.

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