Roman Around

Someone really ought to inform Santa.

Expect a flood of refugee elves to inundate cold climate cities across the globe.

It would behoove Snow Miser to start pricing condos in Antarctica.

There are less than two-thousand days left in the life of the Northern Polar Ice Cap. According to internet-creator and carbon-credit-crunch-immune climate guru Al Gore, the Arctic ice cap will be gone in five years. For those who have been planning any sort of getaway to the great top-of-the-world ice sheets, you best make those arrangements now. There isn’t time to waste.

Gore was across the pond in Germany, at a natural history museum, in front of an audience of excited doomsdayers and model dinosaurs, all of whom were eager to hear about the world’s imminent destruction from the man himself.

They weren’t disappointed.

Humans will apparently undo in five years what Gore says nature hasn’t been able to do in three million – rid the planet of North Pole ice.

(It’s difficult to hear, but you can see the short clip here. There’s a German translator speaking over Gore. He never sounded so good.)

I don’t know this for sure, but I’m guessing Gore flew to Germany in a private jet and was delivered to the doomsday seminar via stretch limo. Of course, that’s just me being my cynical, holocaust-denying, uncaring, right-wing, long-live-greenhouse-gasses self.

I really do need to pay better attention to these things and get my death-calendar in order …

I was under the impression that the ice-caps were supposed to be gone by 2006. I goofed. I mistakenly dated the complete submergence of the North American Atlantic Coast under water, inland to about one hundred miles or so, as occurring by 2011. I also said polar bears would be roaming the streets of Des Moines, looking for ice chips by 2014.

I’m all mixed up here.

Meanwhile, I’m still trying to square away all of the other models of leftist hysteria that I’ve been confused about.

When did we run out of natural resources and precious metals? Wasn’t that going to happen in 1990 or thereabouts?

I missed the heterosexual AIDS epidemic that was to sweep across America. Wasn’t that supposed to wipe out tens of thousands of straight folks by 1988?

When was it that we ran out of land to accommodate the over-populating human race? I thought there would be no more room left to put anyone by the year 2000.

My recollection was that food supplies were going to dwindle to nothing by the year 1997.

Maybe I misunderstood.
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